The reality of really healing.

I have been to see a lot of ‘healers’, natural medicine practitioners, spiritual coaches and therapists over the years, but here is the one thing I had to learn the hard way: real healing is really exhausting, really taxing and can be quite painful.

The reality of really healing: It’s emotional, it’s intense, it requires deep and unrelenting work to really get to the bottom of what is going on. It takes resilience, strength and a courage that is unlike anything you’ve seen in any Hollywood movie… but it is worth it.

A session with a time line therapist may leave you running to the bathroom for a few days; or sleeping for a week, spontaneously bursting into tears or dancing around the lounge room. A session with an energy healer may send you skipping out of the treatment room, then in a dark night of the soul the week after. The polarity of ‘healing’ is the reason why so many people have 1 session and the revert back to their normal ways.

It is not for the faint hearted.

But if you are brave and willing to leave no stone unturned, lean into the polarity of who you are, shadow and all; after you have shed the emotional baggage and let go of all of the code and energy that you were holding onto that didn’t serve you, dried the tears and made the bed again… comes the inner peace. The gentle whispers from your inner wisdom. The kind thoughts that make your day easier. The joyful ripples that strike you like sunshine and you realise that it was all worth it.

Your journey ‘home’ or to rediscover who you are will not be all rainbows and fairies every step of the way. There will be darkness, there will be sorrow, there will be grief as you let go of all of the programming that you have used to orient your experience to date. There will be goodbyes. You will disconnect and then suddenly, you’ll reconnect. In a brighter, more authentic and real way. Aware of when you’re being triggered for growth and expansion and aware of the wonder all around you.

So don’t stop just when it starts to get hard, push through, the rainbows will come I assure you. Meditate, journal, light a candle and have a bath, let go when you feel the need to cry, let the emotions flow knowing that they are just being processed and flowing through you instead of becoming you. You are not your emotions, emotions are merely energy in motion… so enable the motion and watch where you flow to next.

I promise, there will be wonder.

xo

 

Troubleshooting Judgement

The wonder mindset is all about curiosity, digging deeper, turning things inside out and upside down to find the ‘real’ meaning (for you).

The problem with the world today as I see it is that we are all a little too smart for our own good and we haven’t quite mastered the art of our own systems. We marvel at the technology we hold in our hands but forget to tune into our own thinking and our own hearts. We are quick to judge and quick to think we know. But how much do we really know and how conscious are we in understanding self and understanding what we REALLY think (and feel).

Years ago on my quest to understand intelligence, how people learn, complex problem solving and thinking – I came across a lot of amazing resources to understand logical, creative and abstract thinking.

One of my absolute favourite authors on the power of logical thinking, is Marilyn Vos Savant – Marilyn is an American magazine columnist, author, lecturer, and playwright. She was listed as having the highest recorded intelligence quotient in the Guinness Book of Records, she isn’t just benchmark smart however… she is wise. She took the time to understand that:

To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe. Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent. Success is achieved by developing our strengths, not by eliminating our weaknesses.” – Marilyn Vos Savant

So my blog is taking a slightly different approach as we wind down 2018 and move into 2019… I am going to start a series of WONDER QUESTS – to dig a little deeper on a series of topics to help you tune into what you really think and what you really feel.

Today’s quest is understanding JUDGEMENT.

judg·ment
/ˈjəjmənt/
noun
noun: judgement
  1. the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
    “an error of judgment” – synonyms: discernment, acumen, shrewdness, astuteness, sense, common sense, perception, perspicacity, percipience, acuity, discrimination, reckoning, wisdom, wit, judiciousness, prudence, canniness, sharpness, sharp-wittedness, powers of reasoning, reason, logic
            – an opinion or conclusion.
    “they make subjective judgments about children’s skills”
            – a decision of a court or judge.
    “the Supreme Court upheld the judgment of the Alberta Court of Appeal”
  2. a misfortune or calamity viewed as a divine punishment.
    “the crash had been a judgment on the parents for wickedness”
    IMG_5821.JPG

Let me ask you a question. When was the last time you felt judged? When was the last time you judged? Were you making a sensible conclusion? Or was it a snap judgement?

A few years ago in a rant on facebook, I said “MOST JUDGEMENT is like data analysis without all the data… please gather some more data before you draw the graph… otherwise it is statistically irrelevant”….

What I mean by this is… when we make subjective or objective judgements – we are still doing so with a hell of a lot of inbuilt assumption, bias and well – there really is no other way to put it, our data quality is a bit shit.

So how can we open our minds and transform our consciousness?

By being better scientists.

I talk about WONDER a lot, I also talk about fun WOO WOO stuff too – but in my heart I am a scientist. I am an obsessively curious wonderer who enjoys collecting data and trying to understand the heart of whatever quest or problem is at hand – but I wasn’t always this way. I was guilty of making snap judgements, coming to conclusions without all of the data, collapsing particles into a reality without all of the insights…

You see, a lot of scientists fall into black holes when they go hunting or on a quest… they go researching and collecting data and sometimes never return. The art of great science is about creating awesome experiments. When we have a hypothesis; aim, apparatus, method and conclusion – we can run quick and high quality experiments that will give us something valuable – whether that is an insight, another idea for another experiment or a full blown validated hunch…

 

Poor judgement is just lazy human experimentation.

So my quest for you this week:

USING YOUR WONDER MINDSET TO BETTER UNDERSTAND JUDGEMENT

  1. What are you being judged for right now?
  2. What are you judging others for right now?

Now… go and gather some data…

Hypnothesis: My hypothesis is that the thing you are being judged for or you are judging others for is incomplete in some way and the data is incomplete or flawed.

Aim: Your aim is to gather more data (through communication, conversations) to understand more about the problem, is that the real problem? Is there something bigger at play?

Apparatus: You may use your mobile phone, social media networks, human networks and inner wisdom

Method: Get curious – ask questions, share with people “I am on a quest to understand why I feel judged about this or why I judged that…”

Conclusion: Share your findings….

Looking forward to hearing how you go with this mission.

Your Wonder Conductor xx

What the F*c& is “The Wonder Mindset”…

10 years ago, I embarked on a self development journey that not only changed my MIND it changed my LIFE.

Before we understood neuroplasticity or the power of mindset, I started neurohacking… it started to help me with stress and anxiety – but where it led me was a world of wonder.

If you’ve ever thought you were not good enough. Lacked the self belief to back your decisions in work or in life. Or, felt like you just didn’t have the know how to live a life that you were passionate about?

Then be warned. The WONDER MINDSET may just change your life.

Design Thinking is known today as one of the most effective new methods and mindsets for framing and problem solving. Used by top businesses, consultancies, and governments around the world, for innovation and relevancy, this workshop will utilise this effective new method and mindset to help you reframe and solve problems that will enable you to design a life, career or business for yourself that is well lived and full of wonder.

Why Wonder?? Well, when you start using design thinking and embrace empathy, experimentation, prototyping, fast failure, iterative creativity and test and learn in your life, you start to realise that there is meaning, connectivity, an aliveness to the world around you.

THE WONDER MINDSET has the power to revolutionise your life as you learn to ask the right questions, eliminate old ideas that are not working and test new ideas and solutions.

It isn’t just about solving problems, it is about enlivening your thinking and saturating your world with wonder. It is like moving from 2D thinking to 5D experiential living.

The model I have created shows you how to:

  • Rewire your brain using neuroplasticity to eliminate bad habits and mental constraints that have been holding you back from your full potential.
  • Build a vision for your life – understanding who you want to be, feel and act as a person.
  • Develop a growth mindset to identify key insights and opportunities.
  • Learn the tools for creative thinking to generate better ideas.
  • Understand how to use prototyping to test ideas and solutions.
  • Hack your brain to ease yourself into a more productive state.
  • Order your thoughts using algorithmic thinking.
  • Discover your strengths that will enable you to be more engaged and productive at work.
  • Understand how to take care of your mind using the power of meditation.
  • Develop a mindset that can “solve any problem”.

I’m launching the online program early 2019 and running workshops around Australia. If you want to move from 2D to 5D… then come along for the ride.

Sarah xo

To do great things, we have to step outside of our comfort zone #letyourweirdlightshine

A really inspirational and amazing friend of mine did a facebook live this week (hey Curtis Palmer) sharing with people how my partner Steve and I have helped him this year and it completely moved me. There was one thing that he said that really impacted me and helped me understand my why on a much deeper level. He was doing a facebook live (as part of a challenge I set the group…), I love for people to experience the discomfort and thrill of ‘going live’!! and he said he was nervous doing his first live, but he understood and I had taught him that “to do great things, you have to step outside of your comfort zone.” Boom. YES! So much yes! YES! This is what I have been trying to figure out… why do I do everything I do? Why do I stimulate polarity and wonder and try to get people curious??? Because: To do great things, we have to step outside of our comfort zone!!!! But to step outside of our comfort zone, we have to be curious and brave and full of wonder.

You see I’m a really intense human. I read a lot. I watch a lot of TED talks. I enjoy consuming ideas – prolifically. I love helping people, not in the sort of normal ways though, I love helping people expand their mindsets to improve their lives. The quality of your life is measured by your own perception, so I’m not here to tell you what a quality life looks like – that is up to you. I’m also not here to PUSH you outside of your comfort zone… I’m not Tony Robbins amping you up and then getting you to walk on fire. I want you to WANT to step outside of your comfort zone. I want you to be motivated to craft your best life. I want you to figure out what your comfort zone is and where you’d like to go next. I’m not here to MAKE you do anything… What I can do though, is give you the courage and tools to step outside of your comfort zone so that you can make transformational changes to your mind, to your business and to your life.

I was a weirdo at school. A friendly weirdo, but a weirdo nonetheless. I kept the true depths of my weirdness hidden, for fear of judgement and outcast. As I grew older, I started to understand that my weirdness was a virtue… Watch this awesome talk from my friend J P Sears at Wired for Wonder on “The Virtues of Weirdness”. You see, your weirdness, the stuff that makes YOU unique is what makes you so valuable. It is what is unique to you. So whether you’re looking for your dream job, your dream partner or trying to bring your dream to life… instead of hiding your weirdness, why not lead with it?

Examples of weirdos who have embraced their weirdness:

Richard Branson – we all know him as the loveable eccentric who made the word ‘entrepreneur’ sexy… but this nomadic wanderer is just a big weirdo who allows himself to be freely, utterly, entirely himself. He isn’t hiding the fact that he loves beautiful women, travel and expensive things… he unashamedly owns it and has become a little bit successful in the process.

Steve Jobs – some call him a bit of an egomaniac, but all agree he was a creative genius – he liked wearing the same thing every day and enjoyed exploring unusual concepts and doing things his way… He didn’t try and conform or do things to fit in, he followed his inner weirdo and helped elevate human consciousness through technology.

Esther Hicks – According to Esther and Jerry Hicks, “Abraham” consists of a group of entities which are “interpreted” by Esther Hicks. Abraham have described themselves as “a group consciousness from the non-physical dimension”. They have also said, “We are that which you are. You are the leading edge of that which we are. We are that which is at the heart of all religions.” Abraham has said through Esther that, whenever one feels moments of great love, exhilaration, or pure joy, that is the energy of source and that is who Abraham is. Yep, she speaks to an invisible source of energy, writes books about it and is worth over $10 million USD.

Instead of hiding our inner weirdo, the purpose of life is to embrace it and lead with it.

When we lead with our weirdness (or uniqueness if that feels less polarising), we lead with confidence knowing that this is what makes us valuable. When we lead with value, we lead with vision, when we lead with vision, our energy shifts and we do our best work.

Mr Inner Weirdo on the outside himself sums it up perfectly….”We are at our most productive and creative when we are happy and being ourselves at work” (Richard Branson)

SO…. What makes you weird?? Because I have a little secret… what makes you weird is probably what makes you wonderful.

And when you understand that, you’re more willing to step outside of the comfortable zone you’ve created (where your inner weirdo is on the inside) and move to letting our inner weirdo shine a little on the outside… and when we do that, the world can’t help but want to notice because that is when we realise we are speaking our truth and sharing our wonder.

The difference between SELFISH and SELF LOVE…

A young woman's hands making a heart shape
Self love starts with self.

“Don’t be so selfish!”, “That was SELFISH…”, “I can’t believe how selfish she is”…

None of us want to be considered Selfish. With synonyms like “egocentric, egotistical, inconsiderate, tactless, unkind” it is no wonder!

I believe SELFISH is the biggest hurdle to SELF LOVE out there and we all need to shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset and take a little time to consciously be more considerate of others. (that is basically what this entire post is about so if you only read a bit of it make that your sound bite)…. Lol.

selfish
ˈsɛlfɪʃ/
adjective
  1. (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
    “I joined them for selfish reasons”
    synonyms:

    egocentric, egotistic, egotistical, egomaniacal, self-centred, self-regarding, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking, self-serving, wrapped up in oneself, inward-looking, introverted, self-loving;

    inconsiderate, thoughtless, unthinking, uncaring, heedless, unmindful, regardless, insensitive, tactless, uncharitable, unkind;
    mean, miserly, grasping, greedy, mercenary, money-grubbing, acquisitive, opportunistic, out for what one can get;
    informallooking after number one, on the make
    “he is just selfish by nature”

Selfish is a horrible word right? Self-seeking, inconsiderate, money-grubbing… Does it mean that any time you profit or take pleasure personally you are being selfish? Or it is just when you are lacking consideration for others? And how can we take action that is concerned with our own personal profit or pleasure while considering all other people? I suppose that is the golden question really isn’t it. Because it appears that any time we profit, others tend to ‘miss out’ or so the ‘scarcity mindset’ would have us believe.

“Being poor requires so much mental energy that those with limited means — be they sugarcane farmers in India or New Jersey mall-goers — are more likely to make mistakes and bad decisions than those with bigger financial cushions.

This is the psychology of scarcity, says Princeton University psychology and public affairs professor Eldar Shafir, PhD, who with Harvard University economist Sendhil Mullainathan, PhD, explores how people’s minds are less efficient when they feel they lack something — whether it is money, time, calories or even companionship.

This scarcity mindset consumes what Shafir calls “mental bandwidth” — brainpower that would otherwise go to less pressing concerns, planning ahead and problem-solving. This deprivation can lead to a life absorbed by preoccupations that impose ongoing cognitive deficits and reinforce self-defeating actions. Shafir and Mullainathan offer insights into how to ease the burden in the 2013 book “Scarcity: Why Having Too Little Means So Much” (Times Books).” http://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/scarcity.aspx 

The thing about studies like those undertaken by Shafir or Mullainathan is that they point to the importance of mindset in creating significant shifts and driving measurable outcomes. The effect of cognitive shifts on decision making and behaviour was measurable and showed that by adopting an abundance mindset (there is enough) versus a scarcity mindset (I don’t have enough, I am poor), you can change the whole damn outcome.

So lets apply this thinking to SELFISH VERSUS SELF LOVE when it comes to one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

A scarcity mindset would suggest that if I am profiting or receiving pleasure… then someone is missing out. As a result, in this template of thinking, the algorithm basically leads us to believe that when someone is having a good time, there has to be a line of people missing out behind them.

What would happen, if we just flipped this template for a moment. If we just imagined that if someone is receiving profit or pleasure… then those around them are also more likely to receive profit and pleasure (this is more the law of attraction type thinking). Suddenly, as there isn’t anyone being compromised or missing out because of the gain, this moves from selfish to self love… doesn’t it?

Let’s imagine for a second, if there is $100 in a kitty with 5 people in a house (a metaphor for an organisation, family or community perhaps). The kitty doesn’t have any rules, people are welcome to dip into it to use it for spoils as they need to. Ideally benefiting all in the home. If one person spends the $100 on a massage and the other 4 are sat at home wishing they could have a massage too, then technically this is selfish right? What if all 4 voted for the 1 person to go for the massage? Oh that’s nice isn’t it… that is very selfless of them. What if the 1 person who was voted for gave it to the person in the house who probably needed it the most… that is selfless too hey. The key ingredient here is environment and consideration. Having an abundance mindset isn’t just about imagining that the universe will magically provide 4 x $100 massages for the people who miss out. It is about feeling confident that even if you are missing out this time, there will be other times and that people will inherently do the right thing by each other in the community. This energy shift is key. It is also about taking the time to have a look around and see who else is suffering or in need before you go take yourself off for that massage.

If Selfish is (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure… what is Self love and is it the polar opposite?

self-love
noun
 
  1. regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.

The key word here is REGARD.

regard
rɪˈɡɑːd/
verb:
consider or think of in a specified way.
“she regarded London as her base”
synonyms:consider, look on, view, see, hold, think, think of, contemplate, count, judge, deem, estimate, evaluate, interpret, appraise, assess, make of, find, put down as, take for, account, reckon, treat, adjudge, size up, value, rate, gauge, sum up, weigh up
“we regard these results as encouraging”
noun:
1. attention to or concern for something.
“the court must have regard to the principle of welfare”
synonyms:consideration, care, concern, sympathy, thought, mind, notice, heed, attention, interest
“he has no regard for human life”
2. best wishes (used to express friendliness in greetings).
“give her my regards”
synonyms: best wishes, good wishes, greetings, kind/kindest regards, felicitations, salutations, respects, compliments, best, love; More
So in understanding the meaning of these concepts/words…Surely operating from a place where we think about our own well-being and happiness is a good thing right?? Sure, as long as it isn’t just rushing in and meeting our own needs… “oh, I need a massage, I’ll use the $100 in the kitty to go get a massage because that will make me feel well and happy” – because that then moves an action of self-love to that of self-fishness by neglecting to check in with others (consideration). But what about the whole “attach mask before helping others” thing we preach to Mums and Dads out there?? Doesn’t that mean we should be lacking consideration for others if we have unmet needs? This is why the answer is in the meaning of the word REGARD.
You see, if we all go around making sure our needs are met and that we are responsible for our well-being and happiness and personal profit and pleasure – but we do it whilst having a REGARD, a consideration, a thought, a kindness, a respect… with LOVE for others…. then the benefit associated with the profit/pleasure related to wellbeing or happiness (or material or whatever) becomes SELF-LOVE instead of SELFISH – the answer is LOVE. Do things with love and consideration and kindness and thoughts for others… and you’ll never be considered selfish again…. even if you’re the one taking the $100 to take yourself for a massage (hmmmm maybe not the best example but you get what I mean).

Some rules to live by to shift from scarcity mindset and selfishness to abundance mindset and SELF LOVE to boot:

  1. Above all, do all things with LOVE and Consideration – if you’re being loving and doing things with loving energy and demonstrating that you have thought about others, shown others consideration and kindness… then even somewhat more selfish actions and motives are softened (Wow, that is a mouthful and I am certainly going to practice my hardest at this!!)
  2. Look after your health and wellbeing… (sounds so simple…. but definitely need some practice here too!)
  3. Don’t be loving on yourself so much you miss that you’re actually hurting or neglecting others in the process. (whoops, guilty here too)
  4. If there is only $100 in the kitty (metaphor for life in teams, families, communities), take the time to consider who could benefit from the resource the most before rushing in to self service.
  5. Take a little time to scan your environment and think about the needs of others (emotional, financial, health, wellbeing, happiness).
  6. Contemplate…. Consider….Think about things…. do all things consciously and with love and kindness. (I try sooooo hard with this but it is easy to slip into autopilot and miss the signs!)
  7. Ditch the scarcity mindset…. sacrifice this round for someone in greater need, knowing that there is plenty of pleasure and profit for all.

 

 

Before you judge…

rainbow umbrella in mass of black umbrellas
Change the lens, change the view.

Shit happens right. Break ups, break downs, mistakes, wins, promotions, winning the lottery and losing our minds. The problem is with things like fakebook and instaspam everyone feels ‘so connected’ and like they really know each other. The problem with this is that judgement has become hardwired in human nature at the scroll of a finger and the hesitation over the like button. We think we know it all. We think we know when things are good, bad, real, not real – but do we really?

Have we lost our ability to be empathetic? Connected? Curious? Caring?

We were taught at school to walk a mile in someone’s shoes before you judged, yet somehow humans fail to do this time and time again. One of my favourite things to ponder is that judgement is simply data analysis without all the data – the point being, you cannot draw conclusive outcomes with an incomplete data set, so why is it that humans do this every single day?

You instantly know whether you ‘like’ a post you see or not…. but have a think for a moment…

You don’t know the whole story.

You don’t know the entire situation.

You can’t possibly understand everything going on here….

Yet you judged confidently…. you liked, you scrolled past, you may have even screwed up your nose and scoffed….but you have done so in a micro second. Without a conversation. Without the full story. Without the full picture. Without full consciousness.

This needs to stop.

The best thing we can do is suspend our judgement and simply be present. Engage in more conscious opinion making.

Be there rather than 17 steps ahead in the land of conclusions that you’re not qualified to make. Be present and just connect.

This goes for children, at work, friends having a tough time.

Stop. Think. Be present.

Holding an energetic space while a friend, colleague or child makes sense of their own situation is enough. This is also known as “being there” for someone.

We share our lives in these online places, yet we are not sharing our true selves. Many of us don’t know who our true selves are, but let’s be honest, it isn’t the pictures we share, the stories we tell. It’s the moments we are making offline that matter. The conversations. The ah huh moments. Don’t get me wrong, I love technology and the way it extends our reach and facilitates communication, I just think we all need to engage with it in a more switched on and conscious manner… we have to stop mindlessly clicking, scrolling, liking and judging.

If you’re wondering what is going on in my life right now, you’re welcome to ask me – send me a DM, or my email is sarah@thewondertribe.com.au – instead of drawing conclusions or judging, why not just ask?

Xx

The tricky thing about curiosity.

istockphoto-512810252-612x612.jpg

Curiosity is time consuming and can be really bothersome. I feel like sometimes when you get curious, you are rewarded with more lines of enquiry, more work, more conversation, more research, more connections, more discovery, more self limiting beliefs… rather than more wonder. This isn’t always welcome!

When we are walking around in a state of overwhelm – the last thing we want is more to do, more to process, more to understand and comprehend. The easier option is to avoid curiosity at all costs.

Do not ask your coffee waiter their name, where they live, what they like doing – this will distract you from your coffee. Do not ask your taxi driver who they are, when they fell in love, how many children they have. Just stick to the normal “have you been driving long today?” ‘What is the weather like” chit chat. Don’t ask your work colleagues what they did on the weekend, whether they are OK or what their favourite holiday destination is – dear god, leave that can of worms. And do not under any circumstances get curious about yourself, your thoughts, your reality, your self limiting beliefs.

In this day and age where technology allows us to peer into the lives of others, through facebook, Instagram, linkedin and more – the need to refine the art of curiosity becomes even more important.

It seems normal to think: Oh, there’s Sarah, her trip looked lovely, I liked the look of that breakfast she had the other day, I know enough about her now, I might walk the other way.

But what is really going on? What is Sarah feeling, thinking, struggling with, seeking to heal or understand? Why is Sarah posting what she posts? What is she trying to say? What is she really thinking? Is she aware? Is she going through something?

When we take the time to connect and go deeper, get curious and ask questions, we get the juicy stuff – the stuff the pictures can’t tell you, the stuff that helps you build new brain and new connections. The stuff that helps us understand ourselves, each other, the stuff that helps us truly heal and self actualise.

We must encourage our brains to not rest on their laurels, to seek more dopamine from the new connections.

But we have to be bothered. We have to put in the effort with ourselves and with each other. We have to take the time to ask the right questions to peel back the layers to help understand ourselves, our limiting beliefs and each other. Human evolution depends on it.

In a paradigm of constant positivity and gratitude, I took the time to ask myself some big questions, some polarising questions and they led me down a path of self discovery and healing that is changing my life. These questions opened up lots of unresolved limiting beliefs and issues for me to work through. Here they are:

1. What am I disappointed by?

2. What is in conflict between my beliefs and my reality?

3. What am I ungrateful for?

4. If a magic genie gave you 3 wishes, what would you change?

5. Describe your ideal self, now describe how you see yourself now… compare

I think it’s important to get to know ourselves, warts and all. Heal the parts of self that we are covering up or ignoring and tend to our garden within to unleash true happiness and wonder. I’m still on my journey for healing but the curiosity has been worthwhile, for life is but a journey from the day we are born to the day we die to understand, uncover our purpose and heal.

I’m curious to find out whether this inspired you to ask yourself some tricky questions and where it led you!
Xxx